Ten years and one week ago I celebrated my 50th birthday. Life was good. One week later, I was mourning the death of my first born. And life was changed.
I've been told numerous times that "life can change in a second." Life is always changing. That's a given. But a child's death is something of a different nature - something unnatural - something out of order.
Today, ten years later and ten years older, I remember her
~ as an adorable first baby born to two inexperienced and undeserving people.
~ with tons of crazy hair and startling blue eyes.
~ "perfect" nursery room until after that first night at home!
~ precious smiles.
~ anxiously running to her room after preschool, grabbing her blankie, and sticking her thumb in her mouth.
~ loving spirit and remarkable positive attitude.
~ beams of joy when her superior work ethic was recognized at her 6th grade awards banquet.
~ sweet face as I slowly woke her in the early morning to catch the school bus.
~ as she lost her temper when her little brothers tried to secretly video her in her room. (That was funny!)
~ unfailing love for those ornery brothers no matter what they did. And I remember how much they loved her.
~ giggles of joy and unblemished happiness.
~ last tender good night kiss.
The experts say that it takes seven years to refocus after the death of a child; that it takes seven years to stop crying everyday.
All I can say is, "Oh, how I miss you, my sweet girl".
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
there is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.
All is well.
Nothing is past; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before only better, infinitely happier and forever we will all be one together with Christ.
Henry Scott Holland